Military Wife in Training

Good Morning Cyber World,

I know nobody is really reading this but I don't mind, I'm enjoying playing with pics and writing.  So as many know Matt is in the Air Force and he tends to be gone as much if not more than he is actually home.  I do not post a lot about him being gone, where he is, and for how long, mostly because I'm not comfortable putting that info out there for everyone!  But we are finally nearing an end to this 6 month long TDY!  And that is what has inspired this post.



I love journaling and expressing myself through words, pictures and drawings.

You see I have read countless number of lists and funny blogs about how to keep yourself busy while your significant other is deployed or TDY, and do not get me wrong some are hilarious.  I really tend to think Military Spouses are among the most humorous, and understandably so, you have to joke about the hard stuff to stay sane!  However I'm not nearly as funny as I think I am, so if you are reading this, sorry you get the short end of the stick!

See this is my humor warning...I like silly stuff!

I have always been an independent person with an adventurous spirit, and as you can tell photography isn't just my hobby its my passion.  (Or possibly an addiction since I can't stop myself from taking pictures of EVERYTHING).  But this has proved to bring me on some pretty amazing adventures in my life, and its this same adventurous spirit that gets me through these long spans of time where my best friend is gone!  You see I'm 30 yrs old ....YES #30MG!  (though someone thought I was a freshman in college yesterday....just sayin),  no kids and about to be married.  So needless to say most all my friends have kids now, which is great because I love being able to play with kiddos all the time, but at the end of the day its just me and my furbabies when the man of the house is gone.  So while most advice for surviving deployments/TDYs is to keep the kids busy with activities, for me its a bit different.  Don't get me wrong I make plans to tag along with these amazing Military Mothers, I mean who couldn't use an extra set of hands on outings (and my real thought process is...I get to do all the kid stuff I would do alone but would look creepy doing....so its a win win).  Since this blog is new, I haven't mentioned it before, but you meet the most amazing people living in Military towns, and make some pretty amazing friends!



See I can't help myself, I'm always taking pictures!

Any who, so I am pretty much a walking contradiction, and what I mean by this is I have an adventurous spirit but only when it comes to being outside in nature by myself.  Ask me to go to the bank and do something I've never done before and you would think internally the world was gonna end, because I have a mild panic attack....things like that.  Outside in nature is where I am most comfortable, but trying new things can be difficult for me, because I think I'm uncomfortable with the unknown, so new can cause a little anxiety.  I've always been torn between being a creature of habit and being spontaneous.  Over the years I have certainly gotten better, and having been with Matt for over 2 1/2 years now we have already been through 2 TDYs, 1 Deployment, and 1 six week school.  I must say that I am starting to understand how I deal with him being gone...live at the beach...hehe.



Random, but peaceful! Matt pulled over so I could take photos this day!

Ok so I've been creating a list of things I like to do while he is gone to keep me busy...

1) Make a Bucket List. At the beginning of the deployment/TDY make a bucket list of everything you want to do, look up dates for local events (oh just remembered I have to get tickets for a concert Sept. 11...thanks for reminder!!!) and mark them on your calendar.  Looking at the calendar and seeing up coming dates to look forward to helps the months and weeks pass a little easier.  If nothing is going on in your area create dates!  Pencil things you want to do on your calendar not only to remind you but also to give you something to look forward to, and you can always change it because you are the master of your own calendar!

Pick a color any color!  Writing in color brings your words to life...or so I like to think!

2) Create those dates!  Admittedly I do not have a whole lot of friends that I can hang out with on a regular basis, and many of us actually don't, friends with kids seriously have a lot on their plates, and while us without kids can be a help when they need it, they also need to stick to their routines to survive deployments/TDYs also!  So one thing my mother and I do is have cyber date nights (my dad is Navy and his ship is gone all the time too).  So each month my mother and I cook together even though we are about 6 hours apart.  We take turns looking up a recipe for us to cook, set a date, and theme.  On our date night we Skype in our kitchen and cook together, we even set our table to match our theme, and then sit down to dinner and eat and chat!  (More details about this in upcoming blogs).

It all started when we were both alone for Easter and my dad suggested we color eggs together 6hrs apart!  We loved it!

Spring Time in Paris making La Bourgogne.  Let me tell you even making it healthier it was AWESOME!!

We used Julia Child's recipe. How pretty is this!

3) Think of things you have always wanted to do and write them down.  You may hate some of the things after you try them but you won't know until you do.  When I moved to Key West I had a list of things I wanted to do, two things on my list were bridge jumping and play softball.  I was wanting to push myself since I had spent a lifetime being afraid of everything!  Bridge jumping was because I wanted to make myself do something I was afraid of, and softball because in High School all my friends played for years and I never did because I was afraid I would fail at it, so I wanted to make myself do things I hadn't let myself do before out of fear.  I didn't want to let my fear of life control me any longer.  Granted this was before Matt and nothing to do with Deployments but the results of both showed me that I would never do them again!  Hehe, I did the bridge jump I hated the feeling of free falling, and I sucked at softball!  But I am so glad I did both!  Moving forward I'm going to approach future Deployments/TDY's the same way!



I could only find one pick of me and softball, but mom took pics of my bridge jump! Isn't she the best!!!

4) Plan an adventure.  After spending the first two months of this current TDY sitting at home sulking and working out, I simply got sick of myself.  I was struggling to find a new job since I had lost one that I loved, and I just needed to get out of the house.  So one spontaneous Saturday I looked up things that were near me or attractions to see and found that Fort Pickens was a historical fort that wasn't too far away.  I grabbed my camera, water, phone and jumped in the car went for a drive.  Yes doing anything with Matt is so much more fun than doing it alone, but I still had a blast.  I took pictures, took selfies, explored, walked around and then headed home in time to still catch some rays at the beach (we live like 10min from the beach...I know I count my blessings everyday)!  So now I have a list of places I want to go visit after researching site worthy places near me.

Checking out local history and yes some shameless selfies, but it was a great day!!

5) Find a new hobby! So usually I consider anything crafty, DIY or home decorating my hobby.  But last summer Matts brother gave us his saltwater kayak and we took it out a bit, but I didn't start really enjoying it until I got a job at a youth center with an amazing summer program.  We took the kids out kayaking on the sound and I remembered how amazing it was to be back out on the water.  See we have a boat and Matt and I would spend as much of the summer as we could out fishing, island hopping, taking the dogs out...but with him gone ALL summer that means no being on the water, no fishing and no island adventures.  It wasn't until going out with the kids that I realized I was actually depressed about not being on the water, and that the kayak was my way back!  Not to mention all the cool pictures you could get from that perspective!  So now I have a list of places that I want to go kayaking and taking pictures!  Oh and I started taking our youngest pup out and she loves it!

The freedom to be out on the water is unparalleled to just about anything to do with summer!

6) Be a Mermaid.  Ok so you don't really have to be a mermaid, but what I'm really saying is let yourself be open to the unexpected.  You see I spend most mornings on the weekend combing the beach at sunrise for shells, I love the beach, I love looking for shells, and I love sunrises.  Not all of the best shells make it to the beach, so I often spend the afternoons snorkeling for shells!  Well this summer I got off work early and headed straight for the beach (I always have my snorkeling gear and swim suit in my car just in case...its FL).  While I was snorkeling I couldn't shake the disappointment and emptiness of not being able to capture what I was seeing and share it with others.  Like I said I think taking pictures is more of an obsession, but its a beautiful obsession so I'm ok with it.  So I left the beach determined to buy a digital underwater camera, the next morning I was leaving Target with one in hand and headed home to charge it and make my way to the beach.  I've been obsessed with taking underwater photos ever since.  So for me my open-minded moment is when I realized I wanted to be a mermaid, and that has prompted me to yet again research areas to go snorkeling.  (yes my list of things to do and see are getting longer by the minute).

7) Be a tourist!!  I have learned this honestly from my fun loving mother.  When we lived in Key West we dressed up, bought some big floppy hats and went to all the tourist spots in Key West to take pictures.  That day taught me soooo much, and it was fun to meet locals who thought we were tourist only to tell them we lived there but were having our own "locals tourist day", so many loved the idea and even said they don't have pictures of themselves at the tourist spots, never crossed their minds!  And when my mom came to visit me this summer to go wedding dress shopping and planning, we played tourist here in my own town!  Why not! If you don't know what is near you look it up and start planning.  I still have a list of things in this small town that I want to do.

Mommy Daughter Tourist Day living in Key West, I have ones from here locally but these are my favorite!!

8) Take care of yourself.  I use the times that Matt is gone to really work on my fitness goals.  I noticed sometime last year that I could not fit in my clothes anymore and was really hating on myself.  I started working out to T25, 21 Day fix, and P90x3 (not all at once I'm still working on X3), and I started slowly and while he was home.  Once he left I kept it up and even upped my work outs.  To date I have lost 40lbs and still have about 20lbs to go to reach my goal weight.  But it doesn't have to be weight loss or even fitness related.  Find something you want to better about yourself and do that.  A goal I still have is to run a 5K, I haven't started working on that goal yet because its too darn hot in the summers for me to enjoy it!

Sometimes you just have to push yourself towards your goals, or just work out in the AM!  Hehe

9) Learn new recipes!  For me this really is a time to learn healthier recipes.  This goes along with my healthy lifestyle change in attempt to not only lose weight but create better habits for myself.  Beach Body and drinking my shakeology really helped me.  The 21 Day Fix is what really got me started on my journey to clean eating and learning to cook healthier.  Which is one reason I love cooking with mom on date nights, because I can alter our recipes to be healthier and let her know how it turns out!  But the process of cooking can be fun, sometimes I just want something easy because I'm tired but having something to look forward to definitely makes time go by faster.

I was not a fan of water starting out so fresh lemon and lime mixed with sparkling water was amazing!!

Learning to cook healthier and use whole wheat, fresh fruit and veggies, and proper proportions!!

10) Be willing to be spontaneous at times.  As you have figured out I am certainly not the social butterfly, and I'm not usually one to arrange things to do with other because I don't want to bother friends in their busy lives.  But when someone calls out of the blue for unexpected plans, if you are someone who doesn't always do spontaneous things be open minded!  My girlfriend called me one Thursday after work and had won tickets to a concert a few hours away for the next day.  I was thrilled to have the time to spend with her and I love concerts.  We had a blast! And while being spontaneous doesn't always come natural for me, I love spending time with good friends.  Thanks again Melissa, and who knew one little bridge could hold up traffic for so long!!

First girls night out!  My country girl counter part!!

11) Plan a girls night/afternoon.  Chances are if you are stationed in a Military town, you will not be the only one dealing with a Deployment/TDY, some of your friends will be left at home also.  These are women who are right their with you and they will need a night/afternoon to themselves at some point too.  While I can't say that I have myself initiated this we do have an afternoon planned for my girlfriends birthday coming up, and she also happens to be my fishing partner and we went out on a fishing charter at the beginning of summer.  Having friends to do things with on occasion really helps make you feel normal.  Look forward to your Birthday Lunch Steph! So call up your friends for an afternoon to catch up, trust me good friends can make a world of difference.

My fishing partner!  Two summers of fishing and beach fun!!

12) Look for unexpected beauty.  Your hobby doesn't have to be photography to be inspired by something unexpected, it could be drawing, painting, or even something that makes you excited.  I've mentioned I love taking walks on the beach looking for shells.  Some days there just aren't shells to be found (more often than not this summer), but there has not been a single time I have been to the beach that I haven't found something cool to photograph.  So look for the unexpected, let yourself be inspired by the little things.  Below are some of my pictures from walks on the beach that produced nothing more than fun photos.

Found this little lego guy and decided to have fun since there wasn't much else on the beach that day!

Met a little crab friend, and another day unexpectedly there were hundreds of starfish covering our beaches!

This was a day when all there were was broken sand dollars, and I started finding ones that looked like hearts!

13) Organize and decorate.  I am an organizing fool at times, and during these times when he is gone I like to de-clutter, organize and sometimes redecorate.  One thing I always do as soon as he leaves is change our bed spread and change up the décor in our bedroom a little.  I know you are probably wondering why?  Well our bedroom is a little more rustic than my taste, and I'm ok with that, it has a lot of him in our bedroom, where as the rest of the house is both of us...but more me.  So as soon as he is gone, really that first day or week, I make it more girly and change the bedspread and add accessories, change pictures...you get what I'm talking about.  My reason for doing this is I can't stand the heartache of walking into our bedroom and seeing everything like he left it.  Now there are a few things I leave in its place because I don't want all traces of him gone, I just don't want everything the same.  Its a breath of fresh air to make the space my own and even more exciting to have it go back to normal just before he comes home, because then I walk in our room and know I'm expecting him home!  And I started doing this from our very first TDY, and oddly enough a few things actually stayed and he loved it!  Winning!  Our room is becoming more girly every time he leaves! Lucky him I'm not a huge fan of pink!

Organized all my tank tops...thanks to pinterest!  And turned our bed a little girly!!

Ok so I like pink flowers....whoops....hehe...

14) Keep a record of all the things you are doing, and ask your significant other to do the same. This is what really prompted me to write this post, because I was going through looking at all my pictures from this TDY and realizing that I wanted something lasting to come from those photos.  I am working on a photo book of all my adventures, hobbies, friends, family, and unexpected encounters from this TDY.  I first felt guilty at the idea, because I was afraid it was almost like telling Matt that I am happy without you, and that couldn't be further from the truth.  Then I started thinking back to all the letters I have read between my grandma and my grandpa when he was in Vietnam, and realized that the families back at home don't stop living because of a Deployment/TDY and its ok to celebrate the strength it takes to find joy and fun when half of your heart is missing.  I decided I want my future children to be inspired by the fact that I can do things by myself, and to have that strength to pass on to them.  It is important to have your significant other take pictures of anything fun they were able to do and make sure you include that in the book as well!  Granted with this TDY there wasn't much fun for him, but when he has been overseas I make him take pictures for me, and its fun to include his experiences in our book as well.  Also including emails and stories and laughs exchanged between the two.  Let me also say that I'm working on creating year a book of sort for each year we are together, so we will not only have our Deployment albums but our Family albums also, so its not just memorializing the times when he is away, for me its about not excluding those times.



We got to watch a sunset in the Middle East via Skype! 

Letters and pictures from my grandparents.  I cherish these items and am so blessed they are still in the family!

15) Make a list of everything you want to do with your significant other. Towards the end of your Deployment/TDY you likely have lots of lists of things you wanted to see that you never got around to, and hopefully have some things that you checked out that you want to revisit with your love.  Since I am closing in on the end of this TDY (being the Queen of lists that I am) I am creating yet another list of things I want to see and do with Matt.  This gets me focused on him coming home and things to look forward to.  Granted when he gets home, poor guy is getting thrown into wedding central with our wedding coming up in October.  But all the things I did when I was waiting for him, I feel like I was just scoping out things for us to do together, some things aren't worth doing again, unless its something he wants to do, and others are a must.  This is a great way to be excited about what's to come, because as any Military spouse/significant other knows, its an adjustment to have them come home, a much anticipated and amazing adjustment, but still takes time to get on a normal routine.  So giving yourselves things to do together may help you enjoy being a couple again.  And one thing I can't stress enough is you have to be understanding of each other, one thing Matt has taught me is that its ok to go out and have fun by myself and with my friends when he is gone.  I always share it with him and make sure he is included as much as possible, but he NEVER begrudges me for going out and finding fun ways to occupy my time when he is gone.  In fact he encourages me, and in return I try to do the same, and I always let him know how much he is loved and missed.  This makes my times away from him so much easier!

Ready for this Handsome Fella to be home!!!

I know everyone has their own ways of coping and that is as it should be.  I only hope that my silly little ideas and stories may inspire you to do something you haven't thought of.